Making Decisions About Sex - How do you make the right decision about when and with whom you should have sex?

by Lisa Brock

Sex is a basic human need. Every person has the desire to enjoy a physical relationship with someone they care about. And in the context of marriage, those moments of intimacy can bring pure joy and pleasure to your life.

But when it's used in the wrong way, sex can cause guilt, anxiety, depression, disease and low self-esteem.

How do you make the right decision about when — and with whom — you should have sex?

• Make a commitment. If you've made a wise decision about what's best for your life, you won't be as likely to give in to your desires. Make a promise to yourself that you won't engage in sexual activity until you're married. The best way to make sure you stick to your word is to share your promise with a pastor or parent. A tangible reminder, such as a ring or necklace, may also help you to remember your commitment. Plus, jewelry can be a great way to bring the topic up with your boyfriend or girlfriend: it's best if the person you're dating knows exactly where you stand so he or she can support you in your decision. (And if he/she doesn't, that's a good indication you haven't found "right one.")

• Keep your brain in control. Even though your body may send other messages, remember having sex even one time can negatively affect your life forever. The only 100% “safe sex” is no sex at all. Though some forms of birth control may protect you from sexually transmitted diseases, HIV infection and pregnancy, they're not without failure. And there's no such thing as a condom for your heart. The best way to enjoy a sexual relationship is inside marriage, where you know the person you're intimate with is healthy and where a pregnancy would mean a baby born with two loving parents.

• Keep yourself out of irresistible situations. Be prepared to say “no,” but stay out of settings that might require it. If you're involved in a close relationship, avoid situations where sex will be a temptation. Even if your companion is just a friend, if it's someone of the opposite sex, protect yourself from doing something you'll regret. Spend time together in public, and in groups. Keep other friends around to hold you accountable. That way you'll know that even if you have a moment of weakness, you won't have sex.

• Have a plan. Even the most careful couples find themselves in compromising circumstances. When things start to get hot and heavy, know where and how to put on the brakes. Plan what you will say and do to keep your commitment to purity. Say something like, “I really do care about you, but I don't want to have sex until I'm married.” Be as clear and as firm as possible. Then leave the situation quickly.

• It's never too late to start over. Even if you've had sex before, you can still set new, better boundaries to get your sex life on the right track. Let your significant other know that you care too much about yourself and him or her to let sex undermine the future of your relationship. Focus on other ways of getting to know each other, such as common interests or new pastimes you can share. Your relationship will be deeper and more meaningful because you'll know each other's hearts.

There will be plenty of time after the wedding to get to know one another's bodies.

Copyright © 2002, Lisa Brock. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
 

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“Sex, Media and a Sign of the Times”      

by Chuck Norris
 

Some of us are old enough to remember the shocking nature of Barbara Eden's showing her navel on "I Dream of Jeannie" in the '60s and how the revealing one-piece bathing suits on "Charlie's Angels" in the '70s were considered scanty.

Compare that with today.

No one is shocked or surprised today to see several performers on MTV's award shows barely clothed and parading like dancers in a strip joint. Yesterday's wardrobe malfunctions are today's wardrobes (or lack thereof).

MTV's reality shows "Jersey Shore" and "16 and Pregnant" are only the beginnings of a television tidal wave of explicitly sexual content that is invading the hearts and minds of America's youth.

Here is a small sampling of other exposing moments that USA Today reported your child or grandchild might run into on television when you offer him or her some free time to channel-surf.

Spike TV's dirty college comedy, "Blue Mountain State," showed a masturbating school mascot on its premiere.

When it premiered, ABC's "Cougar Town" had a scene that implied Courteney Cox's character was giving oral sex to her date.

"Nip/Tuck" peaked its sixth and final season by highlighting sexually compulsive plastic surgeons.

On ABC's "Desperate Housewives," Julie Benz played a stripper for the series' fifth season.

VH1 offers the titillating "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew."

Showtime's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" highlighted Billie Piper playing hooker Belle, who was using her new sexual experiences with clients to write a book.

And do I need to say any more than just the title of Showtime's "Californication"?

HBO's "Hung" (as the title also implies) is about a well-endowed teacher moonlighting as a prostitute.

Has the escalation of sexual content over the past decade on television had negative effects upon our culture and younger generations?

Consider that in 2004, a national study of teens concluded that those who watched more sex-oriented scenes and programs were likelier than others their age to become sexually active.

In 2008, another nationwide study surveyed teens watching 23 sexually explicit shows and concluded that "by age 16, teens who watched a lot of sexually charged TV were more than twice as likely to be pregnant or father an out-of-wedlock baby as teens who watched very little."

And in 2010, the nation's leading group of pediatricians issued a strong warning to pediatricians, parents and the media about the dangers that explicit sex on television, the Internet and other media is posing to our children.

Is there anyone who can help?

Actually, a man who has been in show business for 40 years is fighting to hold a line on decency, respect and moral boundaries in movies and on television. His name is Dr. Ted Baehr. Ted and his wife, Lili, are Gena's and my dear friends.

Dr. Baehr is the founder and publisher of Movieguide ("The Family Guide to Movies and Entertainment") and chairman of The Christian Film & Television Commission, as well as a noted critic, educator, lecturer and media pundit. His website declares that his life's purpose is to be used of God to redeem the values of the media while educating audiences on how to use discernment in selecting their entertainment.

I encourage parents to check out Movieguide to see what movies currently in the theaters and on DVD are appropriate for your children to see. I also highly recommend Baehr's latest best-seller, "How To Succeed in Hollywood (Without Losing Your Soul)."

In the June edition of Baehr's newsletter for the CFTVC, he wrote that in May, the group sent more than 9,750 petitions demanding that ABC cancel the TV series "Good Christian Bitches," which is based upon Kim Gatlin's book of that name. Because of excessive negative feedback, ABC decided to change the name to "Good Christian Belles."

On the flip side, the CFTVC has aided the popularity of Christian-themed films this past year, such as "Soul Surfer," "Gnomeo & Juliet," "Rango," "Hop" and "Rio."

Friends, our society has become desensitized to immorality on-screen, and we're passing it on to our small children and teens by allowing them even to be exposed to such vulgar content and productions via our televisions, the Internet and our movie theaters.

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Quote of the Month:

“I loved this class and I thought about having sex before marriage, but you inspired me!”

-- Middle School Student, Rutherford County
 

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Data & Statistics:

• Is Abstinence Realistic?
  Posted: January 21, 2005
  By Ed Vitagliano, AFA Journal News Editor, June 3, 2003
  
  The majority of teenagers in high school are virgins.
  
  Surprised? In our over-sexed society, it may seem hard to believe that sexual self-restraint may be catching on again – and even more unexpected that it is catching on among a growing number of young people.
  
  Yet abstinence – or the “New Virginity,” as Newsweek magazine called it in a cover story – appears to be an increasingly attractive lifestyle option for America’s youth. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the percentage of kids in high school who say they’ve never had sex rose from 46% to 54% between 1991 and 2001. Go to www.abstinence.net for the rest of the story.
   

  

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Links:

• Medical Institute for Sexual Health
• National Abstinence Clearinghouse
• Focus on the Family
• Centers for Disease Control
• Pregnancy Support Center

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