|
Teen Talk Teen Talk is a
section of our website designed exclusively for teens. Here
you can find monthly tips and quotes, news, pre and post surveys,
drama team performance updates, photos, and more. This page
will be updated frequently, so check it often.
One guy gives honest relationship advice about sex and dating.
 By
Anonymous
There's a saying that goes, "The best plan is to profit by the folly
of others." That's what this article is about. I want to share with
you a few things I've learned -- the hard way -- concerning girls
and relationships. Specifically, I've jotted down ten reasons why
I'm now waiting until marriage to have sex.
Dating Advice #1:
I now know that sex isn't all it's cracked up to be.
When I was in college, I remember having an experience that I
referred to as a "love hangover." After being with a girl, the next
morning I always felt an emptiness. That's something you won't see
on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness,
even regret, afterwards.
The "love hangover" was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because
when I was in college, sex was my "god." As a male, it's what I
thought about morning, noon and night. So you would imagine that
having sex would have been completely fulfilling -- the crowning
achievement in the worship of my "god." And yet, there was often a
lack of fulfillment afterwards.
Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a "love
hangover"? If you have, you should stop and consider, "Why is that?
Why is it that sex, if it's so important to me, leaves me with an
empty feeling?"
I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: "I
just need more [sex], that's all." (We often think this way about
stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn't. For example, we get the
car we've always wanted, but then it's just "okay" after awhile.
Instead of realizing that a car can't really satisfy us, we usually
make the error of thinking, "Well, I guess that wasn't the
right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.")
But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion
that premarital sex wasn't all it's cracked up to be. It gets too
much hype. It's not what the movies make it out to be. If it were,
it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn't be any
"emptiness."
Dating Advice #2:
I now want to be more honorable toward women.
I've found that girls often don't fully understand what's going on
when it comes to sex. That is, their perspective on the whole thing
is very different from a guy's. Often a girl will justify sex by
saying, "But I love him," even if she doesn't really want to go
through with it. Why does that happen? It's been said that, "Girls
use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex."
This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some
day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl
before he goes back to tell his buddies about it. And while
something inside her is telling her it's the right thing to do,
something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he
proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I
think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there
is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?
Something I've discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are
honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret, and
the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie
Rob Roy, the main character
says, "Honor is a gift a man gives himself." When you honor a woman
by doing what you know to be right in your heart (that is, what's in
her
best interest), you honor yourself and insure that you will have no
long-lasting regrets to live with.
Dating Advice #3:
That's somebody else's wife.
Here's what I mean: most of the girls I've been with are now married
to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish
that I hadn't done what I've done. In fact, I might even like to
punch myself in the nose for it.
And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I'm not going
to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife.
What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your
wife? If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how
much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.
You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone's
daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my
sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now
see girls from a different perspective. They're someone else's
future wife, someone else's daughter, sister, etc.
Dating Advice #4:
Sex has killed my best relationships.
For example, I had a college sweetheart, the girl of my dreams. With
her, there was never a dull moment. We totally "clicked." We waited
for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.
Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to
get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing
closer together, we actually started drifting apart. That's what I
mean by "sex killed my best relationships." People can relate on
many different levels -- emotionally, mentally, physically,
spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly
physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship.
As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We
might still be together today if we (I) had waited.
I've seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others
of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there's a
reason for this, which I'll explain next.
Dating Advice #5:
Sex before marriage ruins the other parts of the relationship.
For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look
back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time,
although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time. The two things
were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn't want
to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn't want
to).
I don't know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it's
just built into "the system." But one thing's for sure: I'm not
alone. I've seen it happen over and over again. I know many people
having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They
go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two
absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.
I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because
of this -- he doesn't respect her, she knows it, and she doesn't
trust him, so she doesn't want to give herself to him. It's very
sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about
this kind of thing in public. And the movie and TV portrayals of
couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It's
like no one wants to acknowledge that it's happening, even though it
is.
Dating Advice #6:
Waiting to have sex with my wife will mean better sex in my
marriage.
 Why?
Because we'll go into the marriage with me having more respect for
her and her having more trust in me. One thing I've learned: if a
girl doesn't trust a guy, she doesn't want to give herself wholly to
him. Deep down, she doesn't really enjoy being with him.
This is how it works. Since "girls use sex to get love, and guys use
love to get sex," a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl
does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he
wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the
marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man.
So she doesn't need to use sex to get him anymore. And, because she
may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they
were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy -- who
doesn't treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage --
still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife.
It's just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life
in the marriage.
I'm not making this stuff up. Now that I'm out of college and many
people around me are getting married, I'm seeing it happen all the
time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the
man a greater respect for his wife and the woman a greater respect
for her husband. And consequently they'll have better and more
frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each
other more deeply.
Dating Advice #7:
Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage.
Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people,
even if we call it "casual." The problem is this: the more I bond
with other girls, the less I'll be able to bond with my future wife.
It's like a piece of scotch tape -- the more you use it on different
surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won't stick
to anything.
If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won't be able to
bond as well with my wife someday. I won't cherish her as much as I
could have, and consequently I won't love her as much as I could
have. Each day that passes that I've remained faithful to my future
wife means that my relationship with her will be better.
It's a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely
condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That's ironic.
Because, if you take the element of time
out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can
imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship,
maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures
the potential bond between a man and a woman.
Dating Advice #8:
I don't have to sleep with a woman to know if we're "sexually
compatible."
Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important
aspect of it. That's what I've found out. It's supposed to be the
icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship
are working well. I've come to understand that the sex will be good
if the rest of the relationship is good. That's why I know I don't
have to sleep with my wife to find out if we're sexually compatible.
If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.
Something else needs to be said here. Another thing I think I've
"discovered" is this: when you place sex as the determining factor
of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think
about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope,
always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it's doomed to
fail. It's like being in prison. You're locked in to something that
is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.
But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the
sex isn't the focus, then you're freed up to have a more enjoyable
sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular.
(Because it won't be.) And yet, I don't think that as a college-age
adult I was capable of not
focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn't present at all. That's
why I think it's best to wait altogether.
For the rest of this article
visit everystudent.com
Back
To Top
Quote of the
Month:
“This class was a confidence boost for me. I love it. I now
know that I’m not alone. Thank you…”
-- Middle School Student, Rutherford County
Back
To Top
Asitia News:
Drama Team Performances:
- Drama Team meets every Wednesday from
4:00 -5:00 pm at the
Pregnancy Support Center
- Interested students 8th grade – college
are welcome to join.
Back
To Top
"In the Classroom" Photos
|
Click on a picture for a larger version. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
Back
To Top
Data & Statistics:
- Is Abstinence Realistic?
Posted: January 21, 2005
By Ed Vitagliano, AFA Journal News Editor, June 3, 2003
The majority of teenagers in high school are virgins.
Surprised? In our over-sexed society, it may seem hard to believe
that sexual self-restraint may be catching on again – and even
more unexpected that it is catching on among a growing number of
young people.
Yet abstinence – or the “New Virginity,” as Newsweek magazine
called it in a cover story – appears to be an increasingly
attractive lifestyle option for America’s youth. According to the
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the
percentage of kids in high school who say they’ve never had sex
rose from 46% to 54% between 1991 and 2001. Go to
www.abstinence.net for the rest of the story.
- Teenage Sexual Activity: More Teens Choosing
Abstinence
Posted: January 21, 2005
[Choosing the Best Press Release, 12/15/04]
More teens, both male and female, are choosing abstinence,
according to a new study released on December 10 by the Department
of Health and Human Services (HHS). The new research is contained
in the National Survey of Family Growth released by the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Health
Statistics. The data show that sexual activity declined
significantly for younger teenage girls and for teenage boys
between 1995 and 2002, and that teen contraceptive use improved in
significant ways.
According to the study, the proportion of never-married females
15-17 years of age who had ever had sexual intercourse dropped
significantly from 38 percent in 1995 to 30 percent in 2002. For
male teens aged 15-17, the percent of those who were sexually
experienced also dropped significantly, from 43 percent to 31
percent. The number of older females aged 18-19 having sex
increased slightly, from 68 percent in 1995 to 69 percent in 2002.
However, the number of older males aged 18-19 having sex decreased
substantially, from 75 percent to 64 percent. These and other data
suggest that teenagers are delaying sex until somewhat older ages.
There is much good news in these results, said HHS Secretary Tommy
G. Thompson. More teenagers are avoiding or postponing sexual
activity, which can lead to sexually transmitted diseases,
unwanted pregnancy or emotional and societal responsibilities for
which they are not prepared.
Bruce Cook, Founder and President of Choosing the Best, states,
"These results validate that abstinence education is working. When
teens clearly understand the benefits of being abstinent and the
risks of sexual activity, they are choosing what’s best for their
future abstinence." For more information about teens and
abstinence, go to
www.abstinence.net.
Back
To Top
Links:
Back
To Top
|
SEX
AND THE SEARCH FOR INTIMACY
